Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith time, baby!

So we start off with Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) and Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) saving Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid) from General Grievous. Anakin offs Count Dooku (Christopher Lee). We then reunite with Padmé Amidala (Natalie Portman) and we find out that Padmé is preggers; but, Anakin is getting Geena Davis in The Fly vibes.

The Jedi Council disses Anakin. Obi-Wan offs General Grievous. We get a Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew) cameo. 

Anakin then finds out that Palpatine is a Sith Lord, and…

I don’t like dumping on Hayden Christensen. I feel like it is kicking a dead horse; however, I don’t know if: 

1. Hayden Christensen was sick that day.

2. Christensen and McDiarmid had been rehearsing/filming this for hours.

3. It was early in the morning.

4. It was late at night.

But, Anakin’s reaction to finding out that Palpatine is evil is kind of flat.

Anyway, Anakin is all “Palpatine is evil” to Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson). However, Anakin winds up saving Palpatine so that he (Anakin) can rescue Padmé and Palpatine offs Mace Windu. Anakin turns evil and Palpatine names him Darth Vader. We then get Order 66, and…

“Yes, I’ll have steak and a baked potato, and…”

…and a lot of Jedi die. Darth Vader/Anakin goes on a Jedi-killing spree. Vader then offs the Separatist leaders and Palpatine becomes the Emperor. 

Obi-Wan finds out that Anakin has turned evil and he lets Padmé know. Padmé goes to Mustafar to talk some sense into Anakin; however, Anakin gets upset because, unbeknownst to Padmé, Obi-Wan came with her, and…

There is subtext where Anakin believes that Padmé and Obi-Wan are having an affair (Anakin seems jealous of the pair, Obi-Wan always seems to be visiting Padmé (especially when Anakin is not around), Anakin dreams that Obi-Wan is at Padmé’s side when Padmé is in childbirth, Anakin is jealous of Obi-Wan and Obi-Wan would probably be better suited for Padmé than he is)).

…and Vader/Anakin chokes Padmé. We then get an Obi-Wan versus Anakin/Darth Vader battle, and…

I don’t know if:

1. Hayden Christensen was sick these days.

2. McGregor and Christensen had been rehearsing/filming this for hours.

3. It was early in the morning.

4. It was late at night.

But, Christensen is kind of flat during the battle. The fact that most of the dialogue is of the whiny brat variety does not help. Plus, this battle lasts for an eternity. It is The NeverEnding Battle.

Anyway, Darth Vader/Anakin gets injured and literally and figuratively burned. Obi-Wan leaves.

We then get a Yoda (Frank Oz) versus Palpatine battle. This culminates in Yoda leaving with Bail Organa (Jimmy Smits). We then get the Padmé is dying of sadness routine, and…

Nope! Not the Padmé I know! The Padmé I know would be talking some sense into Anakin/fighting against Anakin/taking some sort of political action/fighting/raising Luke and Leia.

Here is how I would’ve written Padmé’s death:

1. Padmé dies of complications during childbirth (couldn’t you picture a dramatic “We’re trying to save the babies” scene with the medbots (medical robots)?)

2. Anakin’s attack on Padmé was lethal; BUT, she lived long enough to give birth to Luke and Leia (and we could still have the dramatic “We’re trying to save the babies” scene with the medbots (medical robots).

3. The Palpatine is draining Padmé’s life force theory (I know that others have thought of that) and Palpatine lies to Darth Vader about how Padmé died. 

Anyway, Padmé gives birth to Luke and Leia and she (Padmé) dies. Palpatine/the Emperor arranges for Anakin to be put into his Darth Vader suit and Palpatine “regretfully” informs Anakin of Padmé’s death. In response to Padmé’s death, Darth Vader reenacts the disastrous screening of The Dueling Cavalier from Singing in the Rain. 

Padmé gets a funeral, the Death Star gets started and Bail Organa adopts Leia. Owen (Joel Edgerton) and Beru Lars (Bonnie Piesse) get Luke and Obi-Wan keeps a distant but close eye on Luke. 

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith. Revenge of the Sith probably comes the closest of The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith to what George Lucas was trying to do with this trilogy. I know that I said this with Clones; but, I think that a lot of the problems with this movie could’ve been fixed with different actors, better direction and/or script doctors/editors. McGregor and McDiarmid still come out pretty much unscathed. I know that I also said this with Clones; but, I do have nostalgia for parts of this movie because I grew up with the prequel trilogy. I also said this with Clones; but, I do think that there is a good story that is trying to crawl out of the prequel trilogy; however, a lot of things hamper it.

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