Is Treasure Planet any good?

Let’s find out: 

 So we start off with Tony Jay telling us about Captain Flint. We then get a fight and we find out that Jim Hawkins is reading this story. We then meet Sarah Hawkins (Jim’s mom)(voiced by Laurie Metcalf).

Years pass. Jim (now voiced by Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is now too cool for rules, dude. Robot cops arrest Jim.

We then transition to the Benbow Inn. Sarah is has a conversation with Doctor Delbert Doppler (voiced by David Hyde Pierce). Sarah thinks that things are turning around. The cops come. We get the “next time, it will be juvie” conversation, and…

(Parody of Alanis Morissette’s Ironic)

You think that things are turning around

But then the cops come

Anyway, Sarah disciplines Jim while Jim does busy work at the inn. We then find out that Jim is acting up because he has daddy issues. A spaceship has an abrupt landing. We then meet  Billy Bones (voiced by Patrick McGoohan). Bones is offed. Pirates go after the inn; but, Doppler, Sarah and Jim are able to get to safety.

Jim finds out about treasure planet and he believes that treasure will help with the inn. Doppler is all “It is this or juvie.” Jim and Doppler find a ship and we meet Mr Arrow (voiced by Roscoe Lee Browne). We then meet Amelia (voiced by Emma Thompson) and Amelia and Doppler have that 1990s rom-com enemies-to-lovers chemistry going on. Amelia disciplines Jim and we meet Long John Silver (voiced by Brian Murray). We then meet Morph. Jim tries to interrogate Silver; but, Silver is having none of it. 

Jim gets assigned with cleaning the deck and he notices a Caine Mutiny dynamic going on. Silver rescues Jim from Mr Scroop (voiced by Michael Wincott) and we get more on the Caine Mutiny dynamic. Silver says that he is going to run Jim ragged.

Anyway, Silver acts as a surrogate dad to Jim. We then get I’m Still Here and I like to call I’m Still Here The Depressed Adolescent Song.

I am a depressed adolescent 

I stay in my room all day

And listen to Simple Plan

All jokes aside, I still listen to I’m Still Here on a semi-regular basis as an adult.

We also see Jim’s dad abandoning him and that was highly unusual for Disney at the time.

We then get a space danger sequence. Scroop offs Arrow to keep Arrow from revealing the mutiny. Amelia goes into the isolation phase of the grief cycle and the crew starts acting like they are teenage characters in a horror movie. Silver comforts Jim over Arrow’s demise.

We then reunite with Scroop and Scroop wants a lethal mutiny. Scroop points out Silver’s connection to Jim and Silver disowns Jim. Jim informs Amelia and Amelia does battle. Silver won’t shoot Jim. 

Doppler, Amelia and Jim have to make an emergency landing. Amelia gets hurt and Doppler assists her; so, Jim ventures out on his own. We then meet  BEN (voiced by Martin Short). Martin Short is in The League of Comedians Who Take Children’s Movies of Varying Quality for Paychecks. Steve Martin, Eugene Levy and Eddie Murphy are also in the League. We then get the standard children’s movie pee/bathroom joke.

Doppler, Amelia and Jim crash at Ben’s place. Silver offers Jim part of the treasure if Jim gives Silver the map. When this fails, Silver threatens Jim. We find out that there is a deus ex machina tunnel (my favorite type of tunnel). Jim and BEN look for the map and they try to take away Silver’s methods of defense. Scroop goes after Jim and BEN; but, thanks to Ben, Scroop winds up lost in space.

Silver gets the map; however, he needs Jim’s assistance to open it. A space portal is then discovered. Jim finds out that the treasure is in the middle of treasure planet. Things go well until we get deus ex machina BEN and we find out that the whole thing was a trap.

Silver chooses Jim over the treasure. Silver and Jim reunite with Doppler, Amelia and BEN. Jim has to change the destination on the space portal before the planet is destroyed and he does so. He also lets Silver go and Silver gives Jim some inn reconstruction money.

Time passes. Jim graduates from the Naval Academy. The inn is back to normal and Silver creepily watches over Jim.

Treasure Planet… it gets there some of the time. Murray is miscast, the film feels uneven and there are too many flatulence jokes (even by children’s movie standards/my standards). The sidekick robot gets too much screen time. It feels like there is a good movie trying to crawl out of this. 

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