New York Minute time, baby!

So we start off by meeting Jane Ryan (Ashley Olsen). Jane is a straight A student type. We also meet Roxy Ryan (Mary-Kate Olsen). Roxy is the type of adolescent who spends all day in her room listening to Simple Plan, and…

Sounds like Snarky Movie Robot during high school. 

Anyway, Roxy and Jane’s mom got Full House‘d. Jane needs to give a speech so that she can get a college scholarship. Jane hits it off with Jim (Riley “Dean in Motocrossed” Smith). Roxy winds up with a chip in her bag, and…

No jokes, please.

Anyway, Bennie Bang (Andy Richter) wants the chip; so, he offers to give Roxy and Jane a ride. Roxy and Jane (dumbly) accept and they (obviously) have to get out of that situation. Max Lomax (Eugene Levy, playing Steve Carell in Sleepover) is a truancy officer who is on Roxy’s tracks.

Jane realizes that she does not have her planner. Bennie offers to trade the planner for the chip. Jane and Roxy go into a hotel room and they stumble across Trey Lipton (Jared Padalecki). Trey is a senator’s son. Reinaldo (the senator’s dog) eats the chip.

Roxy goes to a Simple Plan event. Jane meets up with Bennie; but, Bennie is not happy about the chip situation. Jane is able to leave and Roxy, Jane and Reinaldo wind up in a sewer. Bennie abducts Trey.

Jane and Roxy make it to a Harlem beauty salon and we get a makeover montage. After a chase scene with Eugene Levy, we find out that Roxy feels that Jane is becoming more distant. Conversely, Jane wants Roxy to get her life together.

We find out that Bennie and his mom are running a knock-off operation. Roxy saves Trey and she gets Jane’s planner. 

Speech time!

Roxy has to stall for Jane. Jane does make it and Max takes Bennie into custody.

A judge finds Jane’s cue cards which Roxy had dropped and he gives Jane the scholarship. We end with Jane, Trey, Jim, Max (now a police officer), the Professor and Mary Ann celebrating Roxy’s music career.

New York Minute is overly complicated. It drags, it is plotty, it is racist, it is offensive, it feels like a series of sketches and laughs are rare. Feel free to skip this New York Minute.

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