When I was a kid, I had a fight with my mom over something stupid. The night of the fight, I had a nightmare that a horribly abusive woman was my mother. I don’t remember the specifics of the nightmare; but, I woke up in a night terror state and the fight that I had had with my mom seemed suddenly insignificant.

On a completely unrelated note, Coraline.

So we start off by meeting Coraline Jones (voiced by a fantastic Dakota Fanning). Coraline and her parents moved to Oregon. 

We then meet Wybourn/Wybie (voiced by a fun Robert Bailey Junior). Wybie’s grandmother manages the Pink Palace, and…

Sounds like a movie in the 1970s.

Anyway, Coraline meets Wybie’s cat. We find out that Wybie’s grandmother has a no-children rental policy that she violated for Coraline.

We then meet Mel Jones (Coraline’s mother) (voiced by a fantastic Teri Hatcher). We also discover that Coraline has a little doll of her and that the doll looks like Chucky’s long-lost sister.

We then meet Charlie Jones (Coraline’s father)(voiced by a fantastic John Hodgman). 

I’ve seen a lot on Coraline’s parents being neglectful, and…

Consider this:

1. The parents are both working.

2. They just moved.

3. The mom is recovering from a car accident.

4. They have a kid.

Yeah. They are normal parents under a lot of stress.

Anyway, Charlie sends Coraline on an exploring adventure of the house. Coraline discovers a little door; but, the door (apparently) leads to nowhere. Later in the night, Coraline follows a mouse through said little door. Coraline is brought into a Twilight Zone version of her house and she meets a Twilight Zone version of her mother. This mother is the Other Mother (voiced by Teri Hatcher, who is honestly superb in this) and she has black buttons for her eyes.

We then meet the Other Father (voiced by John Hodgman). The Other Father plays the Other Father song. The Other Father song is (apparently) a They Might be Giants song and it is severely catchy. 

Anyway, Coraline and her other parents have dinner. Coraline wants to go back to the real world (for now) and she does.

We then meet Mr. Bobinsky (voiced by Ian McShane). Mr. Bobinsky is a Russian gymnast who is working on a mouse circus and he ominously warns Coraline about the other world.

We then meet Miss Spink (voiced by Jennifer Saunders) and Miss Forcible (voiced by Dawn French). Both women believe that Coraline is in danger.

Coraline then reunites with Wybie. We find out that Wybie’s grandma’s sister disappeared under mysterious circumstances, and…

This is sounding like the start of a 20/20 episode.

Anyway, Coraline goes back to the other world. The Other Father has a Coraline-shaped garden that looks like something that would be in the third act of a stalker movie. We then meet the Other Wybie, who is like a Twilight Zone version of the real Wybie and we discover that the Other Mother Ursula-ed Other Wybie’s voice. We then discover that the Other Mr. Bobinsky literally and figuratively has his act together when it comes to mouse circuses.

Third trip to the other world. We meet a cat (voiced by Keith David). Other Miss Spink and Other Miss Forcible perform, and…

George of the Jungle was the dirtiest kids’ movie when I was a kid. With this sequence, Coraline is out-George of the Jungle-ing George of the Jungle.

Anyway, we discover that the Other Mother wants Coraline to have buttons for eyes. Coraline freaks out; but, she is apparently trapped in the Other world. The Other Mother gets mad, reveals her true form and gives Coraline an other form of a parental punishment. Coraline meets the Other Mother’s previous victims/dead children/ghost children. Coraline wants to help the children, Other Wybie helps her, and…

Sidebar: Other Wybie is starting to look like Joker: The Wonder Years. 

Anyway, Coraline gets back to the real world. Her parents are missing in action; so, she creates puppet parents. Coraline finds out that the Other Mother is holding her parents captive; so, she has to go back to the Other World.

Coraline and the Other Mother reach a deal where Coraline looks for the eyes of the ghost children and her parents. If she does not find them, it is button eye time for Coraline, and…

Unshaved Mouse said that this sequence was like watching somebody play a video game and I agree. Also, this movie shares something else in common with George of the Jungle: it has too many endings. 

Anyway, Coraline retrieves the ghost eyes and we see the Other Mother in an even truer form. Coraline chucks the cat at the Other Mother, the cat blinds the Other Mother, Coraline grabs the snow globe that her parents are trapped in, she barely gets back to the real world and the Other Mother expresses panic at her current predicament, and…

Whether the Other Mother loved Coraline in a sick, twisted way or whether she was just afraid of dying is up for some debate.

Anyway, Coraline’s parents seem blissfully unaware of the fact that they have snow on them. The ghost children have their eyes back; but, the movie wants another ending.

One of the Other Mother’s hands goes after Coraline. Wybie and Coraline crush the hand like a spider and the hand and a key go down a well.

Coraline’s parents hold a garden party. Miss Spink, Miss Forcible, Mr. Bobinsky and Wybie are in attendance. Wybie’s grandma comes.

A cautionary tale about tantrum-throwing children wanting to find their “real” parents/a movie to help children understand their parents better/a cautionary tale for children about weird/strange adults/a tale about abusive parenting/a cautionary tale that the grass is not always greener on the Other side, Coraline is a great movie. It has fantastic performances, great characters, great writing and great, creepy music. Just keep it away from super young kids.

Charity Spotlight: Conservation Fund 

Conservation Fund Website:

Home

My Ko-Fi: 

ko-fi.com/snarkymovierobot